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by ChindyAlo



Category: Glee
Genre: Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-08 00:27:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5476235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChindyAlo/pseuds/ChindyAlo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt is grateful this Thanksgiving, even though is not like he wanted to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> This is an angsty fic, but I tried to make it light. Also it's not edited since I didn't have the time to find a beta.

Mom always made dinner for Thanksgiving. After she was gone, my dad and I always tried to get a decent dinner for that day. He used to tell me that he could try to cook something for me, but we knew he wasn’t so good at it, so we ended up buying something. It’s not that bad, but it doesn’t have that classic taste of home. My dad tried so hard to make me miss her less, but it didn’t work, and he knew. 

I used to listen him cry at night while he was trying to hide in his room, but to be honest, that didn’t compare to the pain that the broken smile he gave me every morning during the first year, a smile that tried to make me feel better withou success.

My dad is a great man, he deserves to be happy. I know that now that it’s been nine years since mom died. That’s why I tried so hard to make him feel sure that I was completely happy with his relationship with Carole. I tried because I knew she was what he wanted, what he needed.

Today is Thanksgiving. I’m sitting in my living room with Blaine and my family, we’re watching the Super Bowl. I still don’t understand the excitement of watching a game in the TV. I’ve been to a football field before, and nothing compares to that even if you don’t like football that much.

I’m sitting on my couch, Blaine is next to me, Finn is on the floor, and Dad and Carole are together on the other couch. Their faces are full happiness, but I can’t focus on the game, my mind is somewhere else.

“Kurt, what are you going to thanks for tomorrow?” Mercedes asked to me the day before.

I didn’t have to think my response, it came right away. “I am deeply grateful for the arrival of Carole and Finn to my family.”

She smiled but then frowned. “Is that it?” It’s like she wasn’t satisfied with my answer.

“I guess so.”

“What about Blaine?”

I didn’t know what to say to that, I pretended I got a text and changed the subject.

Blaine… It’s true he came in my life when I needed him the most. But that was it: _need_.

I needed someone that related to me, and Blaine gave me that for awhile. But then everything escape from my hands, I won’t try to justify myself but… being the only open gay student at my highschool takes a lot of pressure and Blaine helps me to feel that I’m not alone. The problem is that Blaine told me he loved me a week ago, and I love Finn. But Finn loves Rachel… or it was Quinn? It doesn’t matter. The point is that Finn doesn’t love me.

That’s way I’m trying to stay away from him. I need to stay as much as posible away from Finn Hudson. I need to stay away from him even though I don’t want to.

Even though he can’t see me cry, God knows why.

Even though he goes to me first to celebrate every time he feels absurdly happy.

Even though I’m the only one he doesn’t reject every time he feels dissapointed with himself.

Even though it seems I’m the only one who knows how to make him smile when he is upset.

Even though he always cheers when I cook and he acts like it was the best thing of the world.

Even though every time I try a new shampoo or colonge, he is the first to notice the change of fragrance in my body.

Even though he is the first in support me when I make a decision.

Even though every time Blaine comes to visit he keeps that frown in his face the whole day.

Even though every time Blaine wants to kiss me while we watch a movie in the living room, Finn invites himself no matter how angry Blaine looks at him.

Even though he sees me as a hero when I get to remove the grease stains from his favorite clothes.

Even though he almost makes a party of the simple fact I baked chocolate brownies for dinner today.

Even though three days ago he asked me if he could come with me when I told him I was going to visit my mom.

Even though every time we watch a horror movie he lets me take his hand and doesn’t make fun of me no matter how absurd is my fearness.

Even though he buys me a diet coke (because it’s all he can pay) when I get an great note at school.

Even though he always askes for my opinion when he wants to sing something at Glee club.

Even though he wants to camp at the back yard room when dad and Carole go out of twon.

Even though he is willing to learn piano and teach me to play the drums.

Even though he is smiling at me right now and hugs me because it seems that his team has just won.

Even though later today he thanks for my existence and my dadn’s presence in his and his mom’s lives and I feel hope… 

There’s so much confussion in my mind. I want to stay away from him, but I can’t stop thinking that there’s something more that friendship in the way that Finn acts with me. He doesn’t act that way with anyone else, not even Puck, Rachel, not even Quinn when he still believed she was having his baby. 

But then I think that for Finn this is just what a step-brother must be. And he acts the way he does because he is happy of me being part of his family. But his eyes keep sending me that “what if” sensation and I get confussed again.

I do appreciate having Finn in my family, even though the circumstances make me feel I need to stay away from him.

I honestly don’t know what is going to happen between Finn and I, but I _am_ grateful for being here in front of him and my family, even if Blaine’s hand is the one that is squizzing me and not Finn’s, and I know this has to be over before I hurt Blaine more.

I also know that at the end of the day, beyond my doubts and my internal issues, I can’t stay away from Finn. He has always been the one. He makes me feel warm, safe, important; and I know he will always be there for me.

No matter how it goes, Finn Hudson makes me feel at home and all I know is I want to feel at home forever.

 

 

 

 


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